When Your Family Is Driving You Crazy During the Holidays Funny
How do you know when it's over?
Hi, (21f)I've been with my now (29m)fiancé for a year and a half. We both come from very troubled backgrounds, though they were at drastically different times in our lives. When we first met we were both still getting out of our troubled situations. Me trying to get a job, finish college, and get out of my hoarder parents home, since Covid started. While, my fiancé was trying to get his alcoholic mother out of his home and out from his emotional and financial support. His situation was a bit tougher on him since he felt responsible for his mom and younger brothers safety( even though it never should have been his job). And I had an easier time getting out since I'd dealt with the issue of my abusive parents my whole life and was never put in a position of such high responsibilities. So when we got together you can see it should have been very difficult, but it wasn't it felt like it was meant to be. We met at the gym and ended up changing our schedules so we could see each other, even from afar more often. Soon I started working at the gym we both attended and my manager helped introduce us making the situation a lil harder to escape if I or he ever wanted to. But it was good. he got his mom and brothers out of his house, I quit school, got a job and was finding a way to get out of my house. After a few months of us being together I told him he had to stop treating me like he was my father. He would demand things and get annoyed if things weren't done exactly how he wanted it to be. He got mad told me to stay back at my house for a few days. So I did, I wasn't that invested at this time point but definitely was a bit upset. We ended up working through that situation and he changed how he spoke to me. The next issue occurred when we were speaking about moving to a new city together. I always wanted to move to nyc more than anything. He chose a big city in Texas, which I hated. I'm not a fan of the heat, southern politics, or having to drive like a madman everywhere. But I agreed just so we could get a start in a new town and atleast it was better then where we were before. Once we moved I became extremely depressed and he was talking about not being sure of his feelings for me since I had gotten black out drunk one night and said some mean things after he accused me of trying to sneak away with a mutual friend. He was mean and I was lost. I had no job, no friends, and loads of built up trauma. The uncertainty continued for months he didn't want to deal with my depression and lack of go getter attitude. I started a serving job as soon as I could find something. This made me even more unhappy, being treated like an object all day and disrespected wasn't the ideal situation for me. During this time he started getting annoyed that I wasn't doing all of the house work and taking care of our animals because I made less money than him and he had a rough delivery job. He told me he'd never want me to pay for 50% of anything. I trusted that until he started holding it against me he started asking me to pay for things I wasn't able to since I didn't make that much money. This is still happening today even though I make about 15k less than him. We've had this same argument over house work and money since moving. I wouldn't mind paying 50% if he was able to do 50% of everything that needs to be done. I've stopped asking him to walk the dogs, do the dishes, and cook because if he's going to he will but if I say anything he gets mad and defensive claiming I'm needy and want him to change. So I asked if we could split the bills with me paying 35% and him paying 65%. He got furious and didn't even give me a chance to explain why. He stormed out and I tried explaining through text. He eventually agreed but said he would not touch a thing in the house or take care of the animals. I said fine, let's start when we move into our new place. A month goes by and we're doing ok but then he mentions that it'll be so nice when we're paying a lower rent so that we'd both only be paying $700 for rent. That immediately took me back because that's 50/50 not 35/65 like we talked about. He once again got mad and told me I'm ungrateful and I shouldn't want that now because I have more money then him in my current account, even though I was doing way more then him and still made less money. It's not my fault that he wasn't good at saving but either way I gave up on that situation and he got a tiny bit better at cleaning up after himself and taking care of the animals. All of this really tore me up. During all of this he started telling me I wasn't pleasing him in an intimate way. I don't have as high of a sex drive because yah know depression. I told him I couldn't help it and we argued for a long while causing horrible tension. I had been rworded by my high school bf and manipulated into sx almost everyday so this brought a lot of emotions up for me. He blamed me for not being attracted or interested in him anymore and it made him unhappy. I felt not good enough and even broken over something I couldn't control. One really awful night we drank a few beers and were playing question type games. Somehow it got brought up that he hated how I gave top, that he's had better pssy, and that I'm just not good at sex. I was so hurt in the heat of the moment I let him know that he isn't as good as he thinks he is either and that I've had much bigger and made many men and women come from my abilities and told him maybe he's just broken from being addicted to prn and mustering;|. I know this was wrong but it really hurt so now we're both disconnected emotionally and physically. I'm tired of trying to teach this grown man how to communicate, deal with his emotions, become understanding of others, and how to love. I miss the innocence of us at the beginning and being treated like a princess. I am a feminist but I still believe a man should open doors, pay for dinners, and pump my gas if he's with me. I don't feel like I'm asking for much but it may be too much for him to handle idk what to do. Help
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vhn1vt/how_do_you_know_when_its_over/
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